First-class delivery.
Second-hand drama

I call people on your behalf to deliver personal messages, from heartfelt congratulations to the words you can't quite bring yourself to say

Schedule my message now

Birthdays or breakups.
For me, it’s business as usual

End it Break up, decline a second date, or cancel plans you keep avoiding

Celebrate it Birthdays, new jobs, graduations, engagements, and good news worth a call

Confess it Apologize, say you miss them, tell them you love them, or ask them out

Complain about it Cuss out your neighbor over midnight karaoke, or ask your roommate to clean the kitchen. No threats

Roast them Birthday jokes, borrowed hoodies, and completely unnecessary group chat grievances

Make it weird A ridiculous pep talk, an inside joke, or a message from the family dog

Don't see your situation? That's what the message box is for. Swearing is available depending on the recipient's state

The envelope-headed messenger gives an overworked side-eye

Say it with love. Say it with spite. Say it through me

You pick the words. I make the call. I can say it's from you or keep your name out of it

Follow the calls and clips on TikTok ↗

What it costs

Straightforward, heartfelt, funny, or spicy. You choose the tone

$59

Message-delivery call

$59 USD, one-time payment.

I'll call them, or leave a voicemail if they don't pick up. Includes up to two attempts

+$10

Custom poem

Sweet, funny, romantic, or a roast. Give me a few details and I'll write a short original poem. Total: $69

Whether it’s for love or for spite, I’m for hire

Schedule my message now

Schedule my message now

Tell me what you want to say before you pay. Pick the tone, give me the best times to try, and decide whether I should use your name. Review the price, then book securely

I don't sell your information. Calling times are preferences, not a guaranteed appointment or turnaround time

How should I introduce you?

What I won’t deliver

    How should I deliver it?

    Calls are recorded. Selected calls may become clips on my social media. If they don't answer, I'll leave a voicemail. That counts as delivery. Your assignment and any files are saved privately as a draft during checkout. I receive them after Stripe confirms the order. Any applicable tax is shown in Stripe checkout. Read the Privacy Policy for how I handle your information

    Before you send it

    What counts as a successful call?

    I get straight into the message. Reaching the person or leaving a voicemail counts as a successful call, even if they hang up before I finish. If I can't reach them or leave a voicemail after two attempts, you receive a refund

    Can I stay anonymous?

    Yes. Choose “Keep me anonymous” above. Your name is cleared and won't be included in the assignment

    Will the call be posted?

    Calls are recorded. Selected calls may become clips on my social media. A purchase does not guarantee a video

    Can you swear?

    It depends on the recipient's state. Choose their state in the form to see the policy. I also decline threats, harassment, impersonation, fabricated serious accusations, and attempts to get around someone blocking contact

    Can you help me write it?

    Yes. Tell me the point, the tone, and anything I must or must not say. I'll help shape the wording without changing your meaning

    Is there a guaranteed call date?

    No. Tell me when they're likely to answer and I'll use that to plan. There is no guaranteed appointment or turnaround time